*Spoilers Present Below*
This weekend, Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn teamed up once more for the first time since their 2005 comedy smash hit Wedding Crashers. Unfortunately, their new film, The Internship has been met with a resounding “Meh” from most viewers. Critics cite issues with plot predictability, character cliches, and an over-reliance on the two stars’ well-practiced shtick. I, on the other hand, had a different issue with the film; the entire premise itself. As both a business student and a movie buff, I’ve put together this little list of some of the reasons why Nick and Billy would have never been hired at a company like Google.
1. The Screening Process
After losing their sales jobs, Nick and Billy somehow end up securing themselves an online video interview with two Google recruiters (including an all-too-brief appearance by B.J. Novak). If you consider the amount of applicants who those recruiters go through in any given day, you can understand why you have to make a great impression in that initial interview to even move on. Not only do the two leads demonstrate an acute lack of technological savvy by their inability to operate a webcam, but they also fail miserably at answering the test questions posed to them. Companies like Google use test questions like this not to hear a right answer but to understand how an applicant thinks. If the way these two answered the questions were actually the kind of thought process the recruiters were looking for, their ideal employee would be a small child with ADD.
2. Phoenix Proud
One of the biggest things every recruiter I’ve ever spoken to has stressed about the application process is that lying on your resume is one of the quickest ways to get your name thrown out if not permanently blacklisted. In order to qualify as college students, Billy registers himself and Nick at the University of Phoenix with majors of Sales and Physics (of which Nick knows nothing about). I won’t make any judgment on the job prospects of UPX graduates, but what I can say is that no matter where you graduate, getting caught lying on your application isn’t the greatest first impression that you can leave on an employer.
3. No Technical Skills
To be fair, the movie represents the company as if there’s just one “Google Internship” that everybody applies for, regardless of skill set. In reality, there are different internships that require different skills to qualify, and if Billy and Nick were to apply for, say, a sales internship, they might have a bit more of a shot. That being said, in an internship process that requires knowledge of computer coding along with a myriad of other modern technology, you probably want someone who’s had at least a respectable amount of experience with tech. Not only do Nick and Billy have no coding experience at the start of the internship; they also seem to be completely out of touch with the modern world. In any tech-related company, you’re going to have to be in tune with a constantly changing environment, and not even knowing what Instagram is probably doesn’t speak volumes regarding your in-tune-ness with the modern technological world.
4. Employer/Employee relationship
Okay, if one of the rules you learn on the first day is “Don’t have a drink with your boss”, you’d think that “Don’t sleep with your boss” would be a logical follow-up. Well, that doesn’t stop Owen from hitting on an upper level female Googler like Rose Byrne, nor does it ever even get brought up by the supposedly rule-obsessed Aasif Mandvi. I’ve been told that worker relationships are fairly common at Google, but having an intern semi-publicly involved with a senior employee before the internship is even over seems like a bit of a conflict of interest.
5. Drunk in Public
At one point, Nick and Billy take their team of younger interns out to what they think is a dance club, but ends up being a strip club. Now, assuming everyone involved is over 21, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that, right? Well, that is if you ignore the fact that the entire group was taken there by a bus that says “GOOGLE” on the side. Well, it’s all fun and games until someone posts a picture to the internet. One of the biggest things they hammer into us business students is “be smart about what you allow to be posted online”, i.e. don’t let anyone post a picture of you while you’re absolutely hammered at a party. Well, that’s exactly what Billy does when he takes several pictures of his group during their night of celebration via Instagram. Now, Google might be a pretty forgiving company, but it’s hard to overlook an intern with a picture of himself, holding an empty shot glass and receiving a lap dance, posted to Facebook, especially when there are nearly 100 other qualified applicants in the running.
Well, there you have it. If you’re interested, feel free to check out Google’s hiring info page for more information on their hiring process. I’d like to emphasize that there are a lot of ways the movie acknowledges this hiring process in the film, even if that doesn’t stop it from totally ignoring common sense for the rest of the time.
What do you think? Would Billy and Nick stand a chance if they applied for Google in real life? Would you hire them? Sound off in the comments below